Dr. Who/David Tennant


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Finding Hatred

I never thought I would get to this point in my life. I guess I knew it was coming. I have been abused and treated like crap for so long, I guess you kind of get used to it--until people come along that treat you with love, compassion and honesty and you realize just how different it should be....Maybe it is part of the letting go, maybe it is defense, either way I have never felt such venom and hatred at anyone--but it is there under the surface waiting to explode because I finally realize that the only way to get rid of the cancerous feelings is to let go and cut them out of my life altogether.

I will never ever understand family that believes "blood is thicker than water" but treats you like CRAP and expects you to pre purchase something for them and wait to be paid....I don't understand family that thinks it's ok to show up unannounced, or invite themselves over when it is convenient for them. I don't understand family that claims to believe in God and Jesus and will treat people they meet on the street better than their family. I am sick and tired of having to deal with family. We got rid of our cell phones so we didn't have deal with listening to them on the phone for hours at a time with no word in edge-wise. Or my personal favorite, "I have to sing this tonight, listen..." sing the entire song on my voicemail...."Isn't it wonderful". YUCK! There is unfortunately still email. So I am setting up a system to deal with that as well because I am tired of being blamed for things that are NOT my fault or things my sister doesn't want to take responsibility for. I am tired of listening to the lies and the BS and I WILL NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE! I AM DONE! I wanted to have a family that was kind and caring and I thought maybe my sisters and mom would grow out of it, but they never have. The only smart one is my little sister who lives in CA and left long ago. She tries to stay in touch, but I am sure she feels the same way about being judged for her choices. Well, I am tired of it. I have been judged on my choices since I was 8 or 9 years old. I will be who I am and spend my time with those who really matter to me.

I guess maybe it would seem harsh to tell a sister or parent to never email you anymore because it just isn't worth your time, but it isn't and I don't want her around me or my children. I don't want anything to do with her kids either. I used to think if something happened or the kids were taken away we would help, but I don't want to deal with the level of neglect and abuse they have dealt with just because we are "family". Where is forgiveness and compassion??? I can't give anymore. Even Jesus kicked the dust off his sandals and walked away at some point.

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel. I guess this might be the year of shedding the family who wants more than they deserve. "Blood is thicker than water" is a phrase invented by undeserving relatives- King Arthur, Camelot. Come over my way if you feel like talking about this in the coming weeks. You remember what I told you about my dad's response to my goodbye letter. Let me know if you need anything.