Imperfect

Does anyone else out in cyberspace scrapping get tired of all the perfect layouts? Every layout seems to be about the perfect husband, kids, house, pets, life.... but life isn't always "perfect". It is harsh, messy, painful, cruel and sometime downright horrible. I have a lot of stories written down and stored in my head. I have things I have wanted to get out but never do it in layouts because that is so taboo. Well no more. These events made me the person I am. I have chosen different ways, different practices and broken many many cycles that could still be going for my family if I didn't choose to survive those things. To keep going despite the obstacles and the stupidity of others. Despite the choices others attempted to impose on me.

I am going to start working on stark truths. Things I am proud of, things I still have nightmares about, things I have a hatred for, things I miss, things I loved. Some will be dark and scary....some will be sad. All will show how victorious I have been and when my children are older or curious they can look at these layouts and know I have worked so hard to give them more love and support--to treat them as human beings with true choices--and not just an adult who "owns" their children. An adult who could beat them, scream at them, hit them with cars....I am sure some people will be offended...some will be surprised. Some won't care and some will read and wonder why they never did anything to help me. I do not worry about those things. I survived on my own... Always on my own. I pulled myself up, I got through and moved on.

I have a wonderful husband and family now. Although they will never quite understand where I have come from they will always love me. They have seen the cruelty of my family up close and quite too personal for them and have asked that we no longer have contact with them. I am fine with that and it actually feels GOOD! I am sure there are people who will see this post and say I need to be forgiving, etc etc but when the issues never stop, the emotional and verbal abuse never stops, when the physical abuse is still present with grandchildren, when those people never ever change, I do not need to keep myself around them. I may understand WHY they choose to be that way. I may understand why they try to project their issues on me or why they believe untruths about me, but I will no longer be the peacemaker. I will only be the survivor, the one that breaks the cycle. I have already begun with my children. Who else out there has done or is in the process of the same? Join me! Shout it out!